New place

So, I am in a new home, living out of a room. I pay rent now. Its only for 3 to 4 months. My cats are living with my cousins mother in law. I am relieved by this.

The place I am staying is filled with positive in every corner. Plants, little notes of affirmations, calmness, no negative or worry. I no longer have to apologize for a dish sitting in the sink or the reason the recycles are not taken out yet. There is only truth, joy, happiness, no ego, Here and Now. Positive. I have placed all my stickies back up with all the positive I have learned over the past 6 months. The ones I wrote about not giving comfort the one day. Ive gone past that. I have a few books and knick knacks on the shelves here and other assorted things. So it has my touch, yet its still her home. She approved and said, this is the way it should be.

The house is dubbed "Healing House". Rightly so. The woman who owns the home helps others succeed in life and get back on their feet.

There is a reason I am in this home. She told me, she is willing to "teach" when it feels right. It could be during a conversation she and I are having or something comes to her mind.

Everything that was forthcoming to all this, it makes sense now.

I promise to those who might read this. They will know who they are. I promise you I did not lie to you. Your pushing me away has made me realize how much I relied on you. I should have been relying on me. But I looked to you as perhaps a daughter would to her own father. Or a sister to another sister, friend to a friend. Sometimes I needed advice for the journey I was learning about, so I could become a better person. I want you to know your friendship is missed and I love you and thank you for the lessons. But most importantly, I did NOT lie to you.

I am grateful and blessed to be in a place of peace, with a roof over my head.

I love you and thank you ...

~Jules

Do not need soil to grow...

This was stumbled upon quite accidentally. I had an inkling of an idea for a new photo to place on twitter and came upon this article.

It made me think.

A mango seed does not need soil to grow, yet it grows by being sustained with water... eventually it needs some foundation to keep it upright.

So, we are souls living in this body, but yet we need this body in order to grow? So the soul needs this body to grow...

As a soul do we not ALREADY know? How do we remember what it is that we promised to do when we came here? Is that too a learning experience?

Does the soul not already know the wonderful things? Why is it necessary to experience lives of all kinds? Or is it just the purpose of the soul to experience for the privilege the Creator has given us?

Something to reflect on I believe.

I also enjoyed a few of the lines from this Nordic Link below which gave the inspiration. One of the lines which I feel many of us could relate to is : "Failure is additional knowledge to success." But here is the thing. If we fail, we do not always learn the first time or third time ... it might even take life times to learn from the experiences. So when we are "awake" we are more aware. And able to learn from the failed experience, in hopes of moving past it and above it.

Thank you Divine for this realization!

http://www.icenews.is/index.php/2009/03/17/to-the-class-of-2009-mango-seeds-dont-need-soil-to-grow/

~*~ CREATOR ~*~

Yesterday I had this amazing realization!

I had always thought of the universe, planets and stars, to all be the Creator. That we were made by the creator.

I never thought of us as being all this mass "ball" so to speak, instead of individuals. Because we were taught to be individuals, instead of connected. At one time I thought we were separate entities the creator made. Having to learn and then keep learning through various lives till one day, we get a lifetime right. Eventually we go back to the creator.

When I REALLY thought about it ... HELLO!!

WE ARE THE C-R-E-A-T-O-R!

The keyboard is the creator, this blog, the bed I slept on last night and the blankets I snuggled with, are the creator!! The coffee I am drinking and the cup, the desk, the clothes I am wearing!

The air we breath, what a priveledge! We breath IN and OUT the creator, yet we are the creator. EVERYTHING is the creator! EVERYTHING! The space around us.

Connected, all ONE. All Creators!

Thank you Divine for this realization, I am so blessed!

Drawings

I got the idea in my head to start drawing something else. I needed a break and inspiration. I needed something positive that I could refer to and keep the thoughts out of my head about what has been going on the past 4 months or so. So I thought something fun and affirmation like in nature.

Its a work in progress. Get a basic idea of what I want and sometimes I am not sure where to go from there.

There are more on the paper that I am drawing. Empathy, Intent, gratitude ... just to name a few.

I'm hoping Santa will bring me some pastels and paper so I can do some blending techniques. I am really starting to enjoy drawing. Who knows, maybe I will be an aspiring artist. If I practice enough, I am sure I will be.

Again I keep thinking kids books ... hmmm ... maybe .... :)

~Jules

To Truly and more...

*** NOTE: I was going through some old items I had in my written folder. Not sure if I wrote this or if I found it somewhere and copy and pasted it. It feels right to post it, due to everything that has been going on. I have a lot to learn, before its too late.

Being humble instead of prideful ... its hard to admit fault, when you do not feel or realize you did anything wrong. Sitting in silence and writing in my journal to understand my thoughts, patterns and staying centered, is helping even though my heart is hurting a bit. Did I really bring all this unto myself? Did I already put the intent out there to fail or to be put in these situations? I am doing my best to stay focused on the important things right now and not dwell. Maybe its what I needed. When your options are little, and in my case, I am out of options in some things.

I apologize to all that I have hurt and those that have lost faith. I would not have given up so easily with people. Maybe some things are for the best. But I will always cherish, appreciate and have much gratitude to all the relationships which have come into my life just recently. Thank you, Im sorry, please forgive me, I forgive you, I forgive me and please do not give up on me. I know just a part, but yet a part that is missing ... Maybe one day ... ***

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To truly love another, I had to find love for myself first.

To truly respect anyone, I had to learn respect for myself.

To truly help others, I had to begin by helping myself.

To truly find wealth, I had to begin by looking within.

The treasures we possess are vast,
but they cannot be shared nor enjoyed,
until we see and honor them within ourselves.

I honor the gift of life I have been given
I honor the gift of being here with you
I honor the gift of your friendship

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Hmm seemed it ended there ...

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On another note I have decided to apologize to my house mate. I asked her if it was alright that we talk, because I needed to apologize to her. She told me we could talk this eve, since she has something to take care of this afternoon. I know its the right thing to do. Its hard to admit when you are wrong and I know I have to use every bit of courage i have to stay empathetic and listen to what she has to say.

I get I have no other choices and its not that it was below me to take on a job working in fast food, its I felt I could do better than this with the skills I DO have. My options are zero at this point and I have been applying to everything. I promise I am doing the footwork and if I have to start at the bottom and work my way up again, I will.

To be continued ...

Wont flow, flows

Why cant I seem to just let them flow together? The heart and the mind. Why do I allow my fear to be up and center, instead of back stage?

I watch the dialogue go by and I know I am still loved ... but the distance is there. I'm feeling alone, but yet I know I am not alone. I know this with all my heart, yet why the tears, the pain...? The soul knows no pain or tears, just joy and love ... so why?

Ive read awareness is the first step necessary for change. Which I get. Sure I am aware of the pain. The fear. Aware of it all. But where does it stem from? Why is it reoccurring?

What karma is holding me back? Is it karma or just ego?

Ive been all Ego today. Allowing thoughts to enter my head which are from the past. Instead of positive, I see the negative ones come into thought and I stop myself. Only I can stop these thoughts. One of them keeps coming to mind, because I felt I was hurt. I allowed it to hurt me so therefore I am dwelling on that hurt.

I've been looking at my wall of stickies today and it gives me no comfort. The words mean nothing right now. They hold no meaning.

This will pass. It always does. The heart matters need to be attended to, because I know there is still a lot of work to be done in that area.

Oh, right ... Full moon! Sunday. *sighs* Perhaps this is where it is stemming from. Going to go sit in silence and see what happens.

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**Update* 11/20/2010**

Blogger will not allow me to make a comment to my own post. LOL SO I am adding this. Its the next day now. Im feeling better about some things.

But here is what I just found out and I guess I didnt understand it. You cant get rid of Ego. I was told that getting rid of ego is MORE EGO! I do not want that. It will always be present. Its how we manage the ego with spirit that matters. That it can be "trained".

OK now I have that straight in my head, now I just have to get it right in both areas.

Thank you Universe for this lesson!

Guides idea

I was doing some job searching and its as if I was told to take a break, because this idea came into my mind to draw this.

Its not completed and I am not the best drawer in the world, but I had this image of all the colors of the Chakras and each Spirit Guide Representing them. It makes me think of something in a children's book perhaps. And everyone is smiling and their colors radiate out, just as it should be.

I have 3 more to add, but I think I might try to acquire some chalk or something which blends well. This is done with my old Architecture Pencils. I thought about blending and what colors to use and how I felt they looked to me as I drew them.

My heart guide (if there is such a name for her), green heart Chakra stands out the most, since this is something we all constantly work at. I feel she is larger than life, stable and supportive. Helping me to understand and connect my heart and mind to work together to learn empathy and let go of ego.

My Joy guide is there in all her red. Reminding me to live in love, joy and happiness.

The Protector Guide, feels big and strong, protective and loving; he is Orange to me.

I have yet to do throat, eye and crown. This will come in time and I will re post a new picture.

I still have yet to determine what I feel about the others. But I know they are there. A few times I have asked how many guides were around me and I get the answer of 12. When I become more aware, I know I will learn the answer for this.

I plan to put wispys and such in the background, for all the souls and angels which seem to call to my beacon or light. Also want to expand the colors around them. So rough draft it is. :) But I love it!

I wanted to share what had crossed my mind and perhaps this is how I SEE them.

I love the divine for helping me recognize and feel them, it gets better every day. I love my guides for always being here for me, even though I feel its hard to communicate with you at times. I am grateful for everyone who has touched in on my life. I look forward to all the new things I will learn and be able to help others in the future.

Thank you.