*** NOTE: I was going through some old items I had in my written folder. Not sure if I wrote this or if I found it somewhere and copy and pasted it. It feels right to post it, due to everything that has been going on. I have a lot to learn, before its too late.
Being humble instead of prideful ... its hard to admit fault, when you do not feel or realize you did anything wrong. Sitting in silence and writing in my journal to understand my thoughts, patterns and staying centered, is helping even though my heart is hurting a bit. Did I really bring all this unto myself? Did I already put the intent out there to fail or to be put in these situations? I am doing my best to stay focused on the important things right now and not dwell. Maybe its what I needed. When your options are little, and in my case, I am out of options in some things.
I apologize to all that I have hurt and those that have lost faith. I would not have given up so easily with people. Maybe some things are for the best. But I will always cherish, appreciate and have much gratitude to all the relationships which have come into my life just recently. Thank you, Im sorry, please forgive me, I forgive you, I forgive me and please do not give up on me. I know just a part, but yet a part that is missing ... Maybe one day ... ***
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To truly love another, I had to find love for myself first.
To truly respect anyone, I had to learn respect for myself.
To truly help others, I had to begin by helping myself.
To truly find wealth, I had to begin by looking within.
The treasures we possess are vast,
but they cannot be shared nor enjoyed,
until we see and honor them within ourselves.
I honor the gift of life I have been given
I honor the gift of being here with you
I honor the gift of your friendship
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Hmm seemed it ended there ...
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On another note I have decided to apologize to my house mate. I asked her if it was alright that we talk, because I needed to apologize to her. She told me we could talk this eve, since she has something to take care of this afternoon. I know its the right thing to do. Its hard to admit when you are wrong and I know I have to use every bit of courage i have to stay empathetic and listen to what she has to say.
I get I have no other choices and its not that it was below me to take on a job working in fast food, its I felt I could do better than this with the skills I DO have. My options are zero at this point and I have been applying to everything. I promise I am doing the footwork and if I have to start at the bottom and work my way up again, I will.
To be continued ...
SO, Im not going to dwell much on the results of speaking with the so called now ex house mate. Lets just say Karma will do its thing.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who is dear to me, told me that she was evil. Her and her minions. Well, you were right. It reared its ugly head with new lies, which I was NOT aware of or thought she was capable of.
It is likely I will be moved out by Dec 1st and I havent a clue where I am going to go. But I am not upset about this. Im relieved. I WILL figure this out and where I am going to.
I want to say thank you. I was listening but I wasnt and I should have been. It really does seem like I need hit over the head to get it into my head. But this was not what I thought would happen. I never thought someone could be so petty and lie right in my face. She will not even let me ask her own daughter why she is so upset with me. SO I know she is lieing. Anyhow.
And thank you Universe, Divine, Mother, Father, God for this lesson. Thank you BH. Thank you Syd. Thanks to my cousin Beth.
I hope you will pray for me if not anything else.
~Julie