I watch the dialogue go by and I know I am still loved ... but the distance is there. I'm feeling alone, but yet I know I am not alone. I know this with all my heart, yet why the tears, the pain...? The soul knows no pain or tears, just joy and love ... so why?
Ive read awareness is the first step necessary for change. Which I get. Sure I am aware of the pain. The fear. Aware of it all. But where does it stem from? Why is it reoccurring?
What karma is holding me back? Is it karma or just ego?
Ive been all Ego today. Allowing thoughts to enter my head which are from the past. Instead of positive, I see the negative ones come into thought and I stop myself. Only I can stop these thoughts. One of them keeps coming to mind, because I felt I was hurt. I allowed it to hurt me so therefore I am dwelling on that hurt.
I've been looking at my wall of stickies today and it gives me no comfort. The words mean nothing right now. They hold no meaning.
This will pass. It always does. The heart matters need to be attended to, because I know there is still a lot of work to be done in that area.
Oh, right ... Full moon! Sunday. *sighs* Perhaps this is where it is stemming from. Going to go sit in silence and see what happens.
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**Update* 11/20/2010**
Blogger will not allow me to make a comment to my own post. LOL SO I am adding this. Its the next day now. Im feeling better about some things.
But here is what I just found out and I guess I didnt understand it. You cant get rid of Ego. I was told that getting rid of ego is MORE EGO! I do not want that. It will always be present. Its how we manage the ego with spirit that matters. That it can be "trained".
OK now I have that straight in my head, now I just have to get it right in both areas.
Thank you Universe for this lesson!
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