Control

Control.

When things get out of control, I want to be in control of the situation. I need to take charge. These are with things in MY life. Things and situations going on in my life. But this doesn't do me any good. In this moment in this time and place, in this incarnation, RIGHT NOW ... there is nothing I can do to speed up the situation which has got me feeling lost and well, not in control.

What is my need for wanting to control the situations, people, things in my life? Is it the fear that I will be without something from those things? I cant control people, I cant control situations. I cant change them or make them change.

Staying in the here and now will help, but I need to detach the ideas along with the situation that isn't working to my favor. It is not helping it in any way, what so ever.

My house mate, bless her. I started to cry because I am almost out of food and have no money. Instead of panicking like I had in the past, she reminded me, I have to accept the situation, because it can not be fixed today. I have to stay in the moment and move past this panic I am feeling inside. She let me cry, its a good cleansing. So long as truly let it go.

I am reminding myself to be thankful for the things I do have. The friends, my family. I am grateful to my house mate for being in the thought PROCESS I am with and in need of. I am grateful for the food in which I DO have left and will have to spread out this week. I am grateful to still have gas in my car in case of an interview. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, warm clothes, in a positive environment. I am blessed and very very grateful in and for so many things in my life.

Reminder for today. There is nothing I can do today, so move past it. Let it go. Stay in the moment and concentrate on other things I CAN do today. I can do this! I am able to over come this. Detach myself from the feeling of feeling helpless and flow. Just flow~~~~~